Found my shoes!

Okay, I'm back from my second 5 km run…gasp…cough…wheeze… and I really think I can do this. Not tomorrow or anything (oh, I would be in big trouble if the race was tomorrow!) but I've still got 7 more weeks before the race. That's lots of time, right?

Right?

I'm only on my second run, but I'm already making progress. Tonight I made it 3 km without stopping. Which is waaaaay better than the first run I did last night, which was spent intermittently jogging and walking, and thinking that I had made a very, very, VERY big mistake.

I'm just so excited. I can do this! I can totally do this! I certainly won't be winning the race or anything, but I really only have three goals for this race:
1. Have a fun day with my sister
2. Lose some of those last 15 pounds that seem to be holding onto my body with a titanium grip.
3. Not embarrass myself by coming in dead last.

I can totally do this!

Better find my running shoes…

I have either done something very smart, or very stupid. I'm not sure which.

I have agreed to run the 5 km part of a half triathlon, for my sister who can no longer run. She will do the swimming and the biking, and I will run. Fun sister bonding, right? Except that I have yet to run one single step this year. And the race is August 15.

I have been doing A LOT of step aerobics in my basement for the last couple of months, including a super kick-ass interval workout that has whipped me into much better shape in a pretty short period of time. So I'm confident that my newfound fitness should fairly easily translate into a decent run time.

I also really need an excuse to push myself a little bit harder so I can lose that last 10 pounds. I find I do much better when I'm working towards a specific goal. I enjoy exercise so I do it anyway; but I push myself just that much harder when I'm working towards a goal.

I can do this, right?

Right?

Somebody tell me I'm right!!!

I'm going to go for my first run tonight as soon as I put Gracie to bed. I'll update you on how stupid this idea is tomorrow.

What have I been up to, you ask?

So, things have been pretty boring around here lately. Boring, boring, boring. Nothing new. Nothing new at all. Zip, nada, nothing.

Oh, wait. Come to think of it, there is this one little thing that happened. Gracie started talking. But you know, no big deal or anything.

Hee hee hee.

Oh My God you guys!!! She's talking!!! And not just words -- whole sentences! Like, a month ago she was pointing at things, and today she is saying "Yes Please" and "No Thank You" and "Chicken and Rice for Supper Please!"

This morning, I said we were out of milk and she said: "Shopping At Superstore?" Seriously! I'm so excited I could explode. No, I'm so excited that there are not enough exclamation marks in the world to properly convey it.

Okay, seriously, I can't tell you how nice it is to have a conversation with my Gracie. I can ask her a question, and get a real answer! I don't have to play a reeeeaaaallllyyy long game of charades to find out if she wants water or milk to drink. Or what part of her is injured when she comes running to me with tears streaming down her face. Or where she put that damn brown horse…

It's also really intriguing to find out what has been going on in that head of hers. For example, there's this game she has been playing for months that goes like this: Two horses climb up to the top of a chair, one falls down to the seat, and she lets out a series of squeals. Then the other horse comes down to the seat and she kind of mumbles something while they hug each other. But the other day, the squeals turned into: "Help! Help!" and "I'll save you!" and the mumbles turned into: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" And NOW I understand what the game is!

I'm just! so! excited! that I am beside myself with glee. And no, I don't think I'll ever wish that she would just shut up. At least not yet, anyway.

SHE'S TALKING! SHE'S TALKING! SHE'S TALKING!!!!!

Figurative vs. Literal for the 2-year-old

Lesson for the day:

DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell your 2-year-old that there is a frog in your throat when your voice goes a little funny.

It will lead to looks of fear, a very long discussion about how it's just something people say, and will end with you digging out a flashlight and opening your mouth very wide so the 2-year-old can see for herself that there is no real live frog in your throat.

Learn from my mistakes people. Learn from my mistakes.

She can't talk, but…

I don't let Gracie eat much junk food, but these multi-grain alphabet pretzels are just so much fun, I make them a regular treat. She's still not really talking, but she can PICK OUT THE LETTERS OF HER NAME from a pile of alphabet pretzels, and help me put them in the right order. Now, I'm pretty new to this parenting thing, but I think that's pretty impressive for a kid who's just over 2 years old.

She's also getting really good at spelling Horse. Only she's quite sure there needs to be another E at the end of horse. I asked her if that made it a Horsie, and she said "uh-huh". But then, I could ask her if we should go get a root canal tomorrow, and she would probably say "uh-huh" to that too.

Conversation with a Non-Verbal 2-Year-Old

You may think that it's impossible to have a real conversation with a two-year-old who only speaks three words, but you would be wrong. Behold, an actual conversation we had today:

Me, talking to Gracie while folding laundry in my bedroom:
"What would you like to do tomorrow sweet pea?"

Gracie: Runs to her bedroom, brings me her bathing suit, gives me the sign language signs for "more", then "please."

Me: "You want to go swimming tomorrow?"

Gracie: "Um-hmm!"

Me: "Okay! That sounds like fun! I was hoping it would be warm enough by now that we could go for your first visit to the zoo, but it just keeps snowing, doesn't it?"

Gracie: Brings me her stuffed elephant and holds it up.

Me: "Yes, that's right! There are elephants at the zoo. What other animals do you think we'll see there?"

Gracie: Brings me a book with a picture of a hippo, flips to that page and points.

Me: "Yes, that's right! There are hippos at the zoo too. What other animals do you think we'll see?"

Gracie: Holds up her very beloved brown horse.

Me: "No, I don't think there are any horses at the zoo. There are zebras though. Zebras are like horses but with stripes…"

Gracie: Has now thrown herself down on my bed and started to yell while kicking her legs and flailing her arms.

Me: "I'm sorry sweet pea, but there are no horses at the zoo. You can yell all you want, but it's not up to Mommy which animals are at the zoo. That would be a fun job though…"

Gracie: Looks up and notices that I'm not paying any attention to her fit at all, and am instead daydreaming about the animals I would have in my very own zoo. She gets up, gets off the bed, hugs my leg, looks up at me, then holds up brown horse.

Me: "You want to go see the horses at Grandma and Grandpa's house instead of going to the zoo?"

Gracie: "Um-hmm!!!!!"

Me: "Well sweet pea, I'm sure we can do both."

Gracie: "Um-hmm."

Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday. My 35th birthday, to be exact.

Don't worry. You aren't going to have to listen to me whine about getting older. 'Cause I'm not really one of those people who worries about getting older. I look at the number 35 and think "holy crap! where did the time go?" but I don't spend any time worrying about getting older. That's life! And much better than the alternative, I don't you think?

No, I'm one of those people who, even though I should have outgrown getting excited about my birthday, I really have not. I guess that's why I don't feel old. Inside, I'm still a little kid who's excited that it's ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Anyway…I've kinda planned a Denice's Day Of Fun for tomorrow.

I'm going to get up early (read: before Gracie does) and have a shower so I'm all ready for the day. Then, when Gracie wakes up I'm going to get her dressed, put her in the Jeep, and head for the Tim Horton's drive-thru, where I will be purchasing some of their yummy Trail Mix cookies for our breakfast. Yes, I know that I probably should provide Gracie with something more nutritious for her breakfast. But, it's only one day, right? And there's lots of dried cranberries, and nuts, and oatmeal in there……

Then, we'll head to my favorite-est place in the whole wide world. IKEA!!!!!! There's a couple little things I'd like to buy, but mostly, I want to wander through the kitchen stuff and pick out the cabinets I'd like to buy for the house in the country we've been talking about building in the not-too-distant future. (More on this soon.)

We'll have lunch in their restaurant, then head home in time for Gracie's nap time. (If I can get her to have a nap that is. She's phasing out the naps already!)

I'm not sure what we'll do in the afternoon. But at 6 p.m. I'll head to the curling rink for a few snacks and drinks with the girls on my curling team before we head out on the ice. We are in the league playoffs, and our next game is on tomorrow.

I'm smiling just thinking about it. Ikea and curling -- what a great day it's going to be!!!

Denice and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

So Denice: Melodramatic much?

I'm sorry about the Drama Queen entry the other day. I was just having a SUPER BAD DAY and I took it out on the old keyboard. I feel kinda foolish now.

I pride myself on being the kind of person who doesn't dwell on things, and picks herself up and cheerfully learns from her mistakes. You know, lemonade from lemons and all that crap.

And up until the other day, I think I had been doing a pretty good job of it. Truthfully? I wasn't really enjoying my job anymore, and quitting was kind of a relief. I was actually starting to get excited about all the possibilities that quitting my business might open up. For example, I'm seriously thinking about opening a dayhome.

You see, I LOVE kids, and I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love singing along to Raffi and reading the same story 12 times. (But 12 times is my limit. You gotta stop somewhere). I love going to the park, and making cookies and doing crafts. I have even been known to enjoy an episode or two of the Backyardigans. So I think running a dayhome could be something I might be good at, and I've started doing a little research.

Plus, I'm pretty sure there will always be some work for me to do at the newspaper if I want it.

And you know what? I love blogging. And I haven't had time to do it in FOREVER! Now, I have time. And exercise! God I've missed exercise! I've been doing my favorite step aerobics DVDs at night after Gracie goes to bed, and I feel great!

But the other day, it just kind of HIT ME, you know? And on that particular day, no amount of blowing sunshine up its butt was going to make me feel better about my miserable failure. So, I blogged about it, then I went downstairs and did some serious cardio work, and felt 800 times better.

So thank you all for your hugs and words of encouragement. It made me feel so much better on a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Big Fat Failure

Well you guys, I'm depressed today. And I need to talk about it, so I'm going to write about it. Hope I don't bum you out too much.

You see, I'm a big fat failure. I have failed to run my business well, and so my business has failed. I'm so sad and mad at myself I just want to cry, and yell, and throw things at the wall. I wanted so badly to do well at this. My whole family depended on it. My husband depended on me to help provide some income, and my daughter depended on me to make my plan to work from home succeed, so that she would never have to spend a day in child care.

And I have failed. I have failed them all.

I made bad decisions, but most of all, I was a bad business person. Because you know what? I can design you a kick-ass logo or a beautiful ad, but I'm not good at the business end of it. I was hoping I would learn as I went - but I had trouble finding enough time to do it all.

Because working from home with a toddler? I certainly didn't think it was going to be easy – in fact I was pretty sure it was going to be really hard, and I spent my entire year of maternity leave worrying about how I was going to do it – and in the end, I was right. It totally kicked my ass.

Gracie is not the kind of kid who will go play by herself. She is my right-hand girl, my helper extraordinaire. She would like to follow me around all day and help me do what I am doing. Which is actually quite fun when I am doing laundry or sweeping the floor. But not so fun when I'm trying to get some design work done and she wants to sit on my lap and play on the computer. And so, I would put her to bed and then sit at the computer all night trying to get my work done. Or worse, I would blow off a night of working when I really shouldn't have, just to have a night to sit next to my husband on the couch, eat popcorn and watch TV.

I was so tired. Physically, and mentally. But I should have persevered. Because now? I've failed, and I have to find some other way of making some money for my family.

Okay, enough of the pity party. I just needed to get it out, before it all came out of me in a river of tears.

Time to pull up my socks and figure out a way to FIX it.

Tomorrow: My plan to fix this stupid mess I've gotten myself into.

Say Please!

So we've been working on manners here at the Denice-isms household lately.

I had originally planned to teach Gracie about saying "Please" and "Thank You" just as soon as some words started popping out of her mouth, but those words are coming more slowly than I might have hoped, and she is getting big enough that her demands were becoming, well, awfully demanding, and just a touch rude.

So a couple weeks ago I decided that please and thank you needed to come a little sooner than the words, and looked into a little bit of sign language. A girl who is a good friend of the family and whose mother taught her sign language as a baby filled me in on the sign for Thank You, but didn't remember the sign for Please, so I just made one up. I figured it didn't really matter what the real sign was, so long as Gracie and I knew that it meant Please; so I told her to clasp her hands together with her fingers interlocking.

It took a few tries, not because she had trouble putting her hands together, but because she had to put down Brown Horse, and have I mentioned that she takes that Little People horse EVERYWHERE SHE GOES? But eventually she put down Brown Horse and clasped those cute little hands together with a big grin on her face and we were off and running.

For the last two weeks, we have had 8,234 discussions about saying Please whenever you want someone to do something for you, or give you something. And whenever she was reminded, she always very quickly put her little hands together -- but you had to tell her first. And to be honest, I really didn't expect her to do it without prompting right away. I just wanted to start laying a foundation so that when she got a little bigger it would just happen automatically.

But today she did it! Without any prompting!

We were at Wal-Mart this afternoon to pick up a few things, and I stopped for a minute at the seasonal section right near the front door. I was looking through the Valentine's Day stuff for something that I could put into goodie bags for the guests at Gracie's birthday party next weekend, when I felt a little tug at my hand. I looked down to see my horsie loving daughter hugging the daylights out of an awfully cute pink stuffed horse. She looked up at me with those giant blue eyes, then clasped her little hands together to say "Please?"

Now, nearly every time we go shopping, my horsie loving daughter finds some sort of stuffed animal that she would like to take home, and I almost always say no. She has MANY, MANY animals already (and a great majority of them are horses), and she really didn't need another one.

But today, I totally caved. I mean, I had to, right? I've spent the last two weeks telling her to say please, and today she did it! I had to give her some positive reinforcement, right?

Ya, ya. I know. I'm the biggest softie in the universe.

Okay, 2 seconds before I took this picture, she had the new pink pony tucked her her arm while still holding onto Brown Horse with one hand, but she moved just before I took the picture. And while I am the sort of Mom who will risk waking up her almost 2-year-old to get a really cute picture while she's sleeping, I'm not the sort of Mom who will re-pose her child while she's sleeping. If you look close, you can see 4 horses in this picture.

Back to the grind

I've sort of, kind of, gone back to work at the newspaper.

The guy who took my old job quit, and the new woman they hired couldn't start until three days before he was done. So since she needed more training than that, they asked me to come in and help out for the month of January.

"Just mornings on Mondays and Tuesdays until she gets up to speed," they said.
"Nathan can stay home with Gracie and come to work later," they said.
"It'll all work out just fine!" they said.

They were wrong.

This woman, who is in her late 50s and quite possibly the nicest person on the planet, is not even remotely qualified for the job. Forget about running an entire production department by herself - she doesn't understand how to use a computer. She saves files in the wrong place, doesn't understand the file extensions that tell you what kind of file it is, and email, well, don't get me started on the email.

So I've been there A LOT more than I had originally planned. I get home later than I was supposed to and that puts Nathan behind. Gracie doesn't quite understand what's going on and is getting a little bit grumpy about it. And I'm starting to get behind on the work I do for a client of mine.

Only two weeks to go. I hope.

Good thing nobody from child services was watching…

So, Gracie is fast approaching her second birthday, and is still not really talking. She has two words: ask her what a dog says and she'll say "WOOF!"; and any time she needs to give us a positive answer, she'll very enthusiastically say "a ha!"

I would be more worried about the lack of talking, except that she's really excellent at communicating what she wants, and makes it abundantly clear that she knows exactly what I am saying. We've worked out a little system of sign language and hand gestures that work pretty well, but sometimes it's a little like spending my day playing a really long game of charades.

Some days, though, are easier than others. Like today.

We went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, but the most important thing that we needed, that we absolutely couldn't leave the store without, was diapers.

As I was writing out my grocery list before we left, Gracie came to see what I was doing. She pulled her chair up to the counter, climbed up, and pointed to each item on the list; so I read the list out to her, one by one. When I said bread, she pointed to the freezer; when I said soy milk, she pointed to the fridge; when I said soup, she pointed to the pantry; and when I said diapers, she pointed straight to her crotch. I told her that she was exactly right, that was where all of those items belonged.

Then I packed her up and took her to the grocery store. And left the list sitting on the counter.

So, I'm wandering through the aisles at the grocery store, trying to remember what was on the list. I'm doing pretty well, but I know there's something important I'm missing, and I can't think of what it is. So I say to Gracie, mostly just to entertain her: "What else do we need to get today? Mommy can't remember. We've got the bread, the milk and the soup. What else was on the list?"

She turned around and looked into the cart, then looked at me for a moment; then suddenly she grinned this huge grin, lifted one arm up over her head, then pointed, rather forcefully, at her crotch.

"That's right!" I laughed. "Diapers! We need diapers! Thank you Gracie!"

Merry Christmas!!!

Just wanted to write a little note to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The most beautiful blanket

When I first found out I was pregnant with Gracie, I decided I wasn't going to tell anyone or buy anything until I hit my second trimester. At 32, I was no spring chicken to be having my first baby, and I just couldn't bear the thought of having to call my family and friends and face a room full of baby stuff if something bad should happen.

But it didn't stop me from perusing the baby sections of Wal-Mart and the Superstore every time I went shopping. I just couldn't help myself. I would wander down the aisles and look at all the cute clothes and gear, and wonder whether I needed to buy the blue stuff or the pink stuff, and all the usual things that pregnant women can't help but wonder about their unborn child.

And then one night, about a couple weeks until I reached the second trimester mark, I was daydreaming at Wal-Mart when I saw a blanket on the shelf. I'm not sure what it was about that blanket, but I was instantly drawn to it. It was a beautiful pale yellow, soft as soft can be, and had a little velvet Winnie-the-Pooh appliqued in the corner. There were prettier, fancier blankets on that same shelf; but something told me I needed to have another look at this particular blanket. I pulled it off the shelf to really feel it, and a Wal-Mart employee who was stocking the shelves nearby told me that if I liked it, I had better buy it now because the manufacturers weren't making it anymore.

I put it up to my face and rubbed it against my cheek. It was so soft and cozy. It was as if all my wanting and hoping and anticipation for this beautiful little person inside me was embodied in this blanket. I had to have it, second trimester pact be damned.

It was the very first thing I bought for Gracie.

Fast forward about 7 months. By then, we had our girl Gracie, and her room was jam-packed full of pink gifts from friends and relatives and various other well-wishers. And the booty of gifts included about a zillion baby blankets. Blankets that were better for swaddling, and that fit much better in her little bassinet that she slept in right next to my bed. I looked at the big and bulky yellow Winnie-the-Pooh blanket I had bought and put it aside in favor of the other smaller blankets.

Soon it was hot, hot summertime, and my little furnace was not interested in any blankets of any kind, except for maybe a light receiving blanket to cuddle with at night. Every once in awhile while I was putting away laundry, I would pick up the yellow blanket and snuggle it, then put it back. It was much too warm for those sweltering hot days.

Then as autumn fell upon us, and the nights grew colder, I pulled out that beautiful yellow blanket. When she went to bed that night, I put it on her and it fit just perfectly in her crib. She grabbed it with her little fist, rubbed it against her cheek just like I had done in the store over a year before, closed her eyes and went to sleep. When I went to get her in the morning, she was still clutching that blanket tight. When I picked her up, she wouldn't let go. We held onto it and took it downstairs with us. We snuggled in it while we had our morning bottle. It sat next to her on the floor while she played, and she dragged it behind her while she toodled around in her walker. That night, she wouldn't go to bed without it.

And it's been like that every day since.

It's her first favorite thing, that beautiful blanket that I picked out for her. And I get a little tiny lump in my throat whenever I see her give it a little snuggle. I knew she would love it. I just knew it.

Come quick! I've got baby pics!

Who wants to see cute pictures of new babies?
You do? I thought so.

This one is my sister Erin's new baby Ella, with her very proud big sister Olivia. She was born on November 4.



This one is my sister Angie's new baby Zoey, who was born on November 15. Don't you just want to take them all and squeeze 'em? And kiss their little heads? Maybe it's just me.

Um, my dog ate my blog…

So, did you ever have an entire two months where life just was so busy you didn't have time for anything extra? Like, say, writing your blog? Even though writing your blog is one of your very favorite things to do?

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long everybody. Life just got super crazy. First we got the plague. (Oh My God were we ever sick!) Then I decided that perhaps these extra post-pregnancy pounds really weren't going to magically disappear on their own, and I started exercising while Gracie naps -- which is when I used to blog. Then, we sold our newspaper and promptly bought two new-to-us vehicles, which takes up more of your time than you might think…

So, I'm five pounds thinner and in much better shape, and I now drive a 2005 Jeep Liberty (which I LOVE!!!!) - but other than that I guess I have nothing to show for my more than two-month blogging break.

If I post some cute pictures of Gracie tomorrow, will that make everything better?

Day 26

Goodbye crib, which was getting waaaay too small for me…


…Hello big girl bed, which gives me lots of room to stretch out!

Day 25

We got a sandbox for our back yard this week, and I think Gracie's in heaven. Playing in the sand outside in the sunshine, taking a break to eat some fresh peas -- how could the summer get any better?

Day 24

Gracie and her cousins went to Heritage Park last week. I tried to get a good photo, but nobody would pose for me and, well, it was absolutely baking outside and the little darlings were a wee bit cranky. This photo was taken in the train that goes around the park, which was actually a big hit.

Day 23

Look! Mommy bought me crayons! They're fat and triangular and fit in my little hand just perfectly. And thank goodness they're washable, because I also figured out that you CAN use them to write on anything you want, even though Mommy said they were just for paper!