Well friends, today is the day that I reveal to you what a sick, twisted, and self-centred individual I really am. Because out of all the pressing world matters that I could be writing about, today, I'm going to write about my zit. That's right, my zit.
I currently have the HUGEST zit I've ever had in my entire life – and that includes the really big one I had on my chin when I was about 15, and while attending some sort of school dance, a guy I was dancing with asked: "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but what's wrong with your chin?"
So what? You must be wondering. Why on God's Green Earth are you making us read about your stupid zit?
BECAUSE IT'S IN MY EAR!
AND IT'S REALLY BIG!
AND IT REALLY HURTS!
It's one of those ones that start about two miles beneath your skin and it now encompasses the entire inside part of my outer ear, and all I want to do is pop it. It's all I can think about. The pressure and the dull ache from the inside of my ear is driving me crazy, and I've spent every spare moment today looking in the mirror, trying to figure out how I can get at it.
Because here's my gross confession: I love to pop those giant disgusting zits. I don't know what it is, but there's something really satisfying to me in popping a zit. I think it's because I hate the thought that there's a deposit of disgusting pus just underneath my skin, and when I see it ooze out in one long squiggle, I know it's gone and I can feel better again. Or something like that. I don't really know.
But I can't get this one. It's in a spot where I physically can't get at it. And it hurts when I lay on it, it hurts when I touch it; it just generally hurts.
I suppose I should just wait for it to go away on it's own, but control freaks like me just aren't zen enough to let things just go away. We have to be pro-active! We have to take action to MAKE it go away!
I'm going back to the mirror.