Monday, January 29, 2007

No baby yet…

For those of you waiting on bated breath, there will be no induction this week.

Apparently I misunderstood the doctor at my appointment last Monday. She said that if I was still pregnant today, she would book me for an induction ASAP. For some reason, I figured that meant in the next day or so. But stupid me, I forgot about our inadequate health care system and its huge waiting lists. Apparently, booking an induction ASAP means that we book it today, and hope we get it in two weeks.

My doctor says she always books an induction for all her patients who have reached their due date -- that way it's booked if you need it, and you can cancel if baby comes on her own. Which makes me feel a little better. I thought it was a bit extreme to induce only a few days past your due date, but figured she's the doctor and if she thought I needed it I was prepared to trust her.

She is, however, trying to get me in for an ultrasound somewhere in the next day or two because she's concerned about how big this baby is getting. I believe what she said was: "If I didn't know better, I would say it looks like you're having twins!"

So, I'm starting to get a teeny tiny bit concerned. I'm like 5'4" if I stand on my tiptoes, and the most short-waisted person you will ever meet. There just isn't that much room in there. So I just assumed that my baby would be on the smallish side. Apparently, I had better put some bigger sleepers than just newborn size in my hospital bag.

So, to make a long story short, sorry, no baby today. I will keep you all posted!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Get out! Get out! Get out!

Okay, Gracie. Today is your due date. It's time to come out. Mommy's not messing around anymore. She's uncomfortable and impatient and really, really, REALLY wants to see what you look like.

Plus, if you don't come out on your own, the doctor says she's going to induce me tomorrow because you are getting pretty big and I am a fairly small woman. And from what I hear, that can make the whole process a lot more painful, and I think that is something that we both want to avoid.

So, how 'bout it? Why don't you come out on your own today? PLEASE???

Love, Mommy

Friday, January 26, 2007

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait…

So, what on earth has she been doing with herself, you might be wondering.
She isn't working anymore, so why is she not posting every day?

Well, I didn't want to bore you to death. Because here is what I do every day, now that I'm on maternity leave.

Wake up whenever hubby wakes up. Yep, still pregnant. First thing hubby asks every morning is: "Are you going to have a baby today?" God, I wish I knew the answer to that question. And I wish it was yes!

Make hubby a lunch to take with him while he gets ready. Talk to Gracie and tell her that this would be a most beautiful day to decide to come out, if she so chooses. Bribe her with promises of lots of love and kisses and songs and stories, and certainly a lot more room to stretch out, if she would grace us with her presence today. No answer.

So, I have a shower and sing her songs -- partially because my one pregnancy book says I should sing her the things that I'm going to sing to her when she gets here so she recognizes it, and partially because I just really like to sing in the shower and now that I'm home alone no one will hear me butchering those songs like a failed American Idol contestant.

Then I make breakfast/lunch and eat it while watching "neat" on HGTV at 11 a.m. This is my new favorite show. Every time I watch it I actually WANT to tackle the giant pile of junk in my basement, instead of ignoring it day after day, hoping that eventually the dust mites will just eat it all away. But then the feeling passes…

Then, until yesterday, I had a project that I needed to finish for a private client that just kept dragging on and on and on, so I would work on that for the afternoon. But, since I can't sit in one spot for very long without the blood pooling in my feet and swelling, I would take periodic breaks and wander around Gracie's room. I would tell her about the change table that her Daddy made, and the quilt that Grandma made, and tell her about how we'll rock in the glider rocker and read stories when she gets bigger, hoping that I make it sound appealing enough for her to want to come out.

No such luck.

Then it's time to make supper, and since I miss seeing my hubby all day, I spend all night with him instead of sitting in front of my computer, like I used to do. I figure this time alone with him is precious and fleeting, so I'm taking advantage of it while I can. And together, we talk to Gracie and ask her when she's going to come out so we can see her.

I end my day by trying to stay awake long enough to watch the Daily Show and the The Colbert Report at midnight and 12:30, but often hubby has to wake me up and tell me it's time to go to bed.

See? Not exactly exciting stuff. Stay tuned -- soon I'll be boring you with posts about how bloody tired I am, and how amazingly cute and smart and perfect my Gracie is.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Maternity Leave: Beginning Week 2

Okay. I think I could really get into this. Granted, I don't actually have a baby to look after yet. But once I got past the guilt of being at home, and finished my giant To Do list, I actually started to relax a bit. And I tell you, I haven't felt this good in years! (Aside from not being able to bend over or get up off the couch myself).

Also, after only one week of my undivided attention, my neurotic cats, who used to yell and demand my attention whenever I was home, have turned into pretty contented felines. I'm around all day to let them out, and let them back in 10 minutes later, then let them out a half hour later, then let them back in for a snack in 20 minutes…you get the picture. And since they are no longer sleeping the day away without us there, they don't try to wake me up at 5 a.m. to play anymore either. Seriously. My one cat used to get up on my night table, knock one item onto the floor, then come really close to my face to see if that woke me up. If not, he would go back and knock one more thing off, then check, until I finally moved and then he would let out an excited meowl and start running for the door. Sometimes he would bring toys for me to throw, or the harness we put on him to go outside. But now, he sleeps the whole night with us. If only it was that easy to train a baby that well, my life would be set…

Speaking of baby, she has not yet arrived. I've been having lots of cramps and some contractions, and today my doctor said I'm 1 cm dilated, so delivery day is probably not far off. Yaayy!!! Who'd of thought I'd be this anxious to get to what will likely be the most pain-filled of my entire life?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Maternity Leave: Day 3

Well, I am now pretty much on maternity leave from the newspaper. This week I am "on call." Which means if the new guy has questions, I promised I wouldn't be venturing far from home and would answer his phone calls or come into work for awhile if necessary. But otherwise, I no longer work at the newspaper.

This is very, very weird for me.

I have met a deadline every week (except for my occasional vacations) since June of 1994. I have worked my ass off for seven different newspapers, missed family functions, cancelled plans with friends, and forgone exercise, sleep and proper diet for this job for so many years that I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with myself now.

Okay -- that's not totally true. I have a long list of things I need to get done before Gracie gets here. And then, once she does get here, I'm pretty sure she will keep me so busy I won't have time to worry about stupid things like whether or not they'll miss me at work.

But there's a huge gigantic chunk of me that's feels monumentally guilty for getting to escape the daily grind when my poor hubby still has to go every day. Every morning I give him his lunch and kiss him goodbye, knowing I'm sending him off to a job he doesn't really like, while I stay home and have naps and wait for baby to get here.

I tell myself that I haven't had a vacation in three years and this is probably the last one I will get for years and years and YEARS so I deserve this time off. And I tell myself that I owe it to Gracie to listen to my tired body and take it easy for these last few days before she's born so that I will be the best mommy I can be when she gets here. And I tell myself that in a few short months I will be trying to figure out how to work from home and look after a baby at the same time, so I should enjoy this down time while I have it.

But it doesn't work. I look at the tired face of my hubby (who also quit smoking on Saturday), and I can't let myself sit still. I have to make sure that I've done enough in a day to justify my quitting my job and sitting at home.

Is that crazy? Maybe it's just because baby isn't here yet. Maybe I need to give myself time to adjust to my new life. Or maybe, just maybe, I just need to get over myself.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

False start

I thought maybe Sunday night was THE NIGHT. I had a number of the early labour symptoms. I packed my bag, I went to bed to get some rest. The contractions continued all night. I even went to work Monday morning to get my guy-in-training started, although I was sure I wouldn't be finishing the day. And then at around noon, the contractions stopped. The cramping stopped. The nausea stopped.

I've never been so disappointed to see pain go away.

But I was sure with that kind of start, the real thing wouldn't be far away. And now, it's Wednesday morning. Still nothing. Come on baby! Don't you want to come out and see the world?

Well, maybe not today. It is blizzarding outside, and we are supposed to be travelling to Three Hills for hubby's Grandfather's funeral. I'm not sure I want to go. Maybe I should take all my hospital stuff with me, in case we get stuck there in the storm…

Friday, January 05, 2007

Is there a Control Freaks Anonymous?

I learned something very important about myself today.

I am a super control freak. There, I said it.

I'm not completely delusional. I've always known that being a bit of a control freak was a part of my personality. But I never noticed just how big of a control freak I really am until today.

You see, today was the first day I let the guy I'm training at work actually sit at my computer and do my job while looking on from beside him. And I swear to God, there were a few moments where it took every single fiber of my being to not grab the mouse and keyboard away from him, because he was doing it wrong.

Of course, he wasn't necessarily doing it WRONG, just not doing it in exactly the same manner I would have done it, and it was driving me absolutely up the wall. The poor guy is so nice that he didn't say a word when I kept saying "If you do it this way it'll be faster," and "I usually like to do it this way…" But I bet in his head he's counting the days until I leave him the hell alone and he can do it whatever way he bloody well chooses.

It was somewhere around hour three of having to sit on my hands and bite my tongue that I realized I could no longer pretend that being a control freak was only a very small facet of my personality.

Oh well. At least I can be honest about it, right?

As much as I am sooooo looking forward to this baby being born and spending my time at home with her, it's really weird to just hand over my job to someone else. I think what I will miss the most is spending all day with my sweet hubby. There is something really nice about spending all day working with your spouse that most people won't ever experience or understand. I'm really going miss seeing his face all day, every day.

But, on the up side, I got a bunch of emails today from newspaper clients who really like my work and who wanted to know if I will be working from home once I leave. I didn't know I was so loved! It was a nice ego boost, I must say. Probably not so nice for the poor new guy who was sending out emails telling people that he was my replacement, hoping for some kind of welcome, and instead got people wanting to know how they could get hold of me. Oh well. I'm sure they will come to love him as much as they love me. (But hopefully not too much -- I am going to eventually work from home and I'll need their business!)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I didn't fall off the face of the earth…

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long -- I haven't given birth, and I haven't been kidnapped. I just needed to get as far away from my computer as humanly possible after the full month of working my ass off before Christmas. There was an entire week there where the earliest hubby and I got home from work was 1 a.m. One night, we worked until 3 a.m., but by then hubby was so wired on caffeine and ColdFX that he didn't get to sleep until 6 a.m.

So by the time Christmas arrived, hubby and I were officially burned out. As one person put it today -- "you looked like you were ready to throw your computer out the window!" -- and he wasn't far off.

So, we spent lots of time staying with family, and a little time hiding out in our house getting as much sleep at we could before we had to go back to work, and before baby gets here. My tummy grew A LOT, and baby Gracie has dropped a little so my appetite has come back. My back is starting to really hurt, but the two glider rockers we were given for Christmas sure make it better!

And other than that, not a lot is new. I started training the guy who will be replacing me while I'm on maternity leave today, which means that I spent the day talking about what I do all day, but not actually getting any work done. So, I'd better get back to work so I can get home before 2 a.m.

Only 26 sleeps until Gracie's expected arrival!!!