Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday. My 35th birthday, to be exact.

Don't worry. You aren't going to have to listen to me whine about getting older. 'Cause I'm not really one of those people who worries about getting older. I look at the number 35 and think "holy crap! where did the time go?" but I don't spend any time worrying about getting older. That's life! And much better than the alternative, I don't you think?

No, I'm one of those people who, even though I should have outgrown getting excited about my birthday, I really have not. I guess that's why I don't feel old. Inside, I'm still a little kid who's excited that it's ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Anyway…I've kinda planned a Denice's Day Of Fun for tomorrow.

I'm going to get up early (read: before Gracie does) and have a shower so I'm all ready for the day. Then, when Gracie wakes up I'm going to get her dressed, put her in the Jeep, and head for the Tim Horton's drive-thru, where I will be purchasing some of their yummy Trail Mix cookies for our breakfast. Yes, I know that I probably should provide Gracie with something more nutritious for her breakfast. But, it's only one day, right? And there's lots of dried cranberries, and nuts, and oatmeal in there……

Then, we'll head to my favorite-est place in the whole wide world. IKEA!!!!!! There's a couple little things I'd like to buy, but mostly, I want to wander through the kitchen stuff and pick out the cabinets I'd like to buy for the house in the country we've been talking about building in the not-too-distant future. (More on this soon.)

We'll have lunch in their restaurant, then head home in time for Gracie's nap time. (If I can get her to have a nap that is. She's phasing out the naps already!)

I'm not sure what we'll do in the afternoon. But at 6 p.m. I'll head to the curling rink for a few snacks and drinks with the girls on my curling team before we head out on the ice. We are in the league playoffs, and our next game is on tomorrow.

I'm smiling just thinking about it. Ikea and curling -- what a great day it's going to be!!!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Denice and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

So Denice: Melodramatic much?

I'm sorry about the Drama Queen entry the other day. I was just having a SUPER BAD DAY and I took it out on the old keyboard. I feel kinda foolish now.

I pride myself on being the kind of person who doesn't dwell on things, and picks herself up and cheerfully learns from her mistakes. You know, lemonade from lemons and all that crap.

And up until the other day, I think I had been doing a pretty good job of it. Truthfully? I wasn't really enjoying my job anymore, and quitting was kind of a relief. I was actually starting to get excited about all the possibilities that quitting my business might open up. For example, I'm seriously thinking about opening a dayhome.

You see, I LOVE kids, and I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love singing along to Raffi and reading the same story 12 times. (But 12 times is my limit. You gotta stop somewhere). I love going to the park, and making cookies and doing crafts. I have even been known to enjoy an episode or two of the Backyardigans. So I think running a dayhome could be something I might be good at, and I've started doing a little research.

Plus, I'm pretty sure there will always be some work for me to do at the newspaper if I want it.

And you know what? I love blogging. And I haven't had time to do it in FOREVER! Now, I have time. And exercise! God I've missed exercise! I've been doing my favorite step aerobics DVDs at night after Gracie goes to bed, and I feel great!

But the other day, it just kind of HIT ME, you know? And on that particular day, no amount of blowing sunshine up its butt was going to make me feel better about my miserable failure. So, I blogged about it, then I went downstairs and did some serious cardio work, and felt 800 times better.

So thank you all for your hugs and words of encouragement. It made me feel so much better on a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Big Fat Failure

Well you guys, I'm depressed today. And I need to talk about it, so I'm going to write about it. Hope I don't bum you out too much.

You see, I'm a big fat failure. I have failed to run my business well, and so my business has failed. I'm so sad and mad at myself I just want to cry, and yell, and throw things at the wall. I wanted so badly to do well at this. My whole family depended on it. My husband depended on me to help provide some income, and my daughter depended on me to make my plan to work from home succeed, so that she would never have to spend a day in child care.

And I have failed. I have failed them all.

I made bad decisions, but most of all, I was a bad business person. Because you know what? I can design you a kick-ass logo or a beautiful ad, but I'm not good at the business end of it. I was hoping I would learn as I went - but I had trouble finding enough time to do it all.

Because working from home with a toddler? I certainly didn't think it was going to be easy – in fact I was pretty sure it was going to be really hard, and I spent my entire year of maternity leave worrying about how I was going to do it – and in the end, I was right. It totally kicked my ass.

Gracie is not the kind of kid who will go play by herself. She is my right-hand girl, my helper extraordinaire. She would like to follow me around all day and help me do what I am doing. Which is actually quite fun when I am doing laundry or sweeping the floor. But not so fun when I'm trying to get some design work done and she wants to sit on my lap and play on the computer. And so, I would put her to bed and then sit at the computer all night trying to get my work done. Or worse, I would blow off a night of working when I really shouldn't have, just to have a night to sit next to my husband on the couch, eat popcorn and watch TV.

I was so tired. Physically, and mentally. But I should have persevered. Because now? I've failed, and I have to find some other way of making some money for my family.

Okay, enough of the pity party. I just needed to get it out, before it all came out of me in a river of tears.

Time to pull up my socks and figure out a way to FIX it.

Tomorrow: My plan to fix this stupid mess I've gotten myself into.