No baby yet…

For those of you waiting on bated breath, there will be no induction this week.

Apparently I misunderstood the doctor at my appointment last Monday. She said that if I was still pregnant today, she would book me for an induction ASAP. For some reason, I figured that meant in the next day or so. But stupid me, I forgot about our inadequate health care system and its huge waiting lists. Apparently, booking an induction ASAP means that we book it today, and hope we get it in two weeks.

My doctor says she always books an induction for all her patients who have reached their due date -- that way it's booked if you need it, and you can cancel if baby comes on her own. Which makes me feel a little better. I thought it was a bit extreme to induce only a few days past your due date, but figured she's the doctor and if she thought I needed it I was prepared to trust her.

She is, however, trying to get me in for an ultrasound somewhere in the next day or two because she's concerned about how big this baby is getting. I believe what she said was: "If I didn't know better, I would say it looks like you're having twins!"

So, I'm starting to get a teeny tiny bit concerned. I'm like 5'4" if I stand on my tiptoes, and the most short-waisted person you will ever meet. There just isn't that much room in there. So I just assumed that my baby would be on the smallish side. Apparently, I had better put some bigger sleepers than just newborn size in my hospital bag.

So, to make a long story short, sorry, no baby today. I will keep you all posted!

Get out! Get out! Get out!

Okay, Gracie. Today is your due date. It's time to come out. Mommy's not messing around anymore. She's uncomfortable and impatient and really, really, REALLY wants to see what you look like.

Plus, if you don't come out on your own, the doctor says she's going to induce me tomorrow because you are getting pretty big and I am a fairly small woman. And from what I hear, that can make the whole process a lot more painful, and I think that is something that we both want to avoid.

So, how 'bout it? Why don't you come out on your own today? PLEASE???

Love, Mommy

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait…

So, what on earth has she been doing with herself, you might be wondering.
She isn't working anymore, so why is she not posting every day?

Well, I didn't want to bore you to death. Because here is what I do every day, now that I'm on maternity leave.

Wake up whenever hubby wakes up. Yep, still pregnant. First thing hubby asks every morning is: "Are you going to have a baby today?" God, I wish I knew the answer to that question. And I wish it was yes!

Make hubby a lunch to take with him while he gets ready. Talk to Gracie and tell her that this would be a most beautiful day to decide to come out, if she so chooses. Bribe her with promises of lots of love and kisses and songs and stories, and certainly a lot more room to stretch out, if she would grace us with her presence today. No answer.

So, I have a shower and sing her songs -- partially because my one pregnancy book says I should sing her the things that I'm going to sing to her when she gets here so she recognizes it, and partially because I just really like to sing in the shower and now that I'm home alone no one will hear me butchering those songs like a failed American Idol contestant.

Then I make breakfast/lunch and eat it while watching "neat" on HGTV at 11 a.m. This is my new favorite show. Every time I watch it I actually WANT to tackle the giant pile of junk in my basement, instead of ignoring it day after day, hoping that eventually the dust mites will just eat it all away. But then the feeling passes…

Then, until yesterday, I had a project that I needed to finish for a private client that just kept dragging on and on and on, so I would work on that for the afternoon. But, since I can't sit in one spot for very long without the blood pooling in my feet and swelling, I would take periodic breaks and wander around Gracie's room. I would tell her about the change table that her Daddy made, and the quilt that Grandma made, and tell her about how we'll rock in the glider rocker and read stories when she gets bigger, hoping that I make it sound appealing enough for her to want to come out.

No such luck.

Then it's time to make supper, and since I miss seeing my hubby all day, I spend all night with him instead of sitting in front of my computer, like I used to do. I figure this time alone with him is precious and fleeting, so I'm taking advantage of it while I can. And together, we talk to Gracie and ask her when she's going to come out so we can see her.

I end my day by trying to stay awake long enough to watch the Daily Show and the The Colbert Report at midnight and 12:30, but often hubby has to wake me up and tell me it's time to go to bed.

See? Not exactly exciting stuff. Stay tuned -- soon I'll be boring you with posts about how bloody tired I am, and how amazingly cute and smart and perfect my Gracie is.

Maternity Leave: Beginning Week 2

Okay. I think I could really get into this. Granted, I don't actually have a baby to look after yet. But once I got past the guilt of being at home, and finished my giant To Do list, I actually started to relax a bit. And I tell you, I haven't felt this good in years! (Aside from not being able to bend over or get up off the couch myself).

Also, after only one week of my undivided attention, my neurotic cats, who used to yell and demand my attention whenever I was home, have turned into pretty contented felines. I'm around all day to let them out, and let them back in 10 minutes later, then let them out a half hour later, then let them back in for a snack in 20 minutes…you get the picture. And since they are no longer sleeping the day away without us there, they don't try to wake me up at 5 a.m. to play anymore either. Seriously. My one cat used to get up on my night table, knock one item onto the floor, then come really close to my face to see if that woke me up. If not, he would go back and knock one more thing off, then check, until I finally moved and then he would let out an excited meowl and start running for the door. Sometimes he would bring toys for me to throw, or the harness we put on him to go outside. But now, he sleeps the whole night with us. If only it was that easy to train a baby that well, my life would be set…

Speaking of baby, she has not yet arrived. I've been having lots of cramps and some contractions, and today my doctor said I'm 1 cm dilated, so delivery day is probably not far off. Yaayy!!! Who'd of thought I'd be this anxious to get to what will likely be the most pain-filled of my entire life?

Maternity Leave: Day 3

Well, I am now pretty much on maternity leave from the newspaper. This week I am "on call." Which means if the new guy has questions, I promised I wouldn't be venturing far from home and would answer his phone calls or come into work for awhile if necessary. But otherwise, I no longer work at the newspaper.

This is very, very weird for me.

I have met a deadline every week (except for my occasional vacations) since June of 1994. I have worked my ass off for seven different newspapers, missed family functions, cancelled plans with friends, and forgone exercise, sleep and proper diet for this job for so many years that I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with myself now.

Okay -- that's not totally true. I have a long list of things I need to get done before Gracie gets here. And then, once she does get here, I'm pretty sure she will keep me so busy I won't have time to worry about stupid things like whether or not they'll miss me at work.

But there's a huge gigantic chunk of me that's feels monumentally guilty for getting to escape the daily grind when my poor hubby still has to go every day. Every morning I give him his lunch and kiss him goodbye, knowing I'm sending him off to a job he doesn't really like, while I stay home and have naps and wait for baby to get here.

I tell myself that I haven't had a vacation in three years and this is probably the last one I will get for years and years and YEARS so I deserve this time off. And I tell myself that I owe it to Gracie to listen to my tired body and take it easy for these last few days before she's born so that I will be the best mommy I can be when she gets here. And I tell myself that in a few short months I will be trying to figure out how to work from home and look after a baby at the same time, so I should enjoy this down time while I have it.

But it doesn't work. I look at the tired face of my hubby (who also quit smoking on Saturday), and I can't let myself sit still. I have to make sure that I've done enough in a day to justify my quitting my job and sitting at home.

Is that crazy? Maybe it's just because baby isn't here yet. Maybe I need to give myself time to adjust to my new life. Or maybe, just maybe, I just need to get over myself.

False start

I thought maybe Sunday night was THE NIGHT. I had a number of the early labour symptoms. I packed my bag, I went to bed to get some rest. The contractions continued all night. I even went to work Monday morning to get my guy-in-training started, although I was sure I wouldn't be finishing the day. And then at around noon, the contractions stopped. The cramping stopped. The nausea stopped.

I've never been so disappointed to see pain go away.

But I was sure with that kind of start, the real thing wouldn't be far away. And now, it's Wednesday morning. Still nothing. Come on baby! Don't you want to come out and see the world?

Well, maybe not today. It is blizzarding outside, and we are supposed to be travelling to Three Hills for hubby's Grandfather's funeral. I'm not sure I want to go. Maybe I should take all my hospital stuff with me, in case we get stuck there in the storm…

Is there a Control Freaks Anonymous?

I learned something very important about myself today.

I am a super control freak. There, I said it.

I'm not completely delusional. I've always known that being a bit of a control freak was a part of my personality. But I never noticed just how big of a control freak I really am until today.

You see, today was the first day I let the guy I'm training at work actually sit at my computer and do my job while looking on from beside him. And I swear to God, there were a few moments where it took every single fiber of my being to not grab the mouse and keyboard away from him, because he was doing it wrong.

Of course, he wasn't necessarily doing it WRONG, just not doing it in exactly the same manner I would have done it, and it was driving me absolutely up the wall. The poor guy is so nice that he didn't say a word when I kept saying "If you do it this way it'll be faster," and "I usually like to do it this way…" But I bet in his head he's counting the days until I leave him the hell alone and he can do it whatever way he bloody well chooses.

It was somewhere around hour three of having to sit on my hands and bite my tongue that I realized I could no longer pretend that being a control freak was only a very small facet of my personality.

Oh well. At least I can be honest about it, right?

As much as I am sooooo looking forward to this baby being born and spending my time at home with her, it's really weird to just hand over my job to someone else. I think what I will miss the most is spending all day with my sweet hubby. There is something really nice about spending all day working with your spouse that most people won't ever experience or understand. I'm really going miss seeing his face all day, every day.

But, on the up side, I got a bunch of emails today from newspaper clients who really like my work and who wanted to know if I will be working from home once I leave. I didn't know I was so loved! It was a nice ego boost, I must say. Probably not so nice for the poor new guy who was sending out emails telling people that he was my replacement, hoping for some kind of welcome, and instead got people wanting to know how they could get hold of me. Oh well. I'm sure they will come to love him as much as they love me. (But hopefully not too much -- I am going to eventually work from home and I'll need their business!)

I didn't fall off the face of the earth…

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long -- I haven't given birth, and I haven't been kidnapped. I just needed to get as far away from my computer as humanly possible after the full month of working my ass off before Christmas. There was an entire week there where the earliest hubby and I got home from work was 1 a.m. One night, we worked until 3 a.m., but by then hubby was so wired on caffeine and ColdFX that he didn't get to sleep until 6 a.m.

So by the time Christmas arrived, hubby and I were officially burned out. As one person put it today -- "you looked like you were ready to throw your computer out the window!" -- and he wasn't far off.

So, we spent lots of time staying with family, and a little time hiding out in our house getting as much sleep at we could before we had to go back to work, and before baby gets here. My tummy grew A LOT, and baby Gracie has dropped a little so my appetite has come back. My back is starting to really hurt, but the two glider rockers we were given for Christmas sure make it better!

And other than that, not a lot is new. I started training the guy who will be replacing me while I'm on maternity leave today, which means that I spent the day talking about what I do all day, but not actually getting any work done. So, I'd better get back to work so I can get home before 2 a.m.

Only 26 sleeps until Gracie's expected arrival!!!

The end may be near…

So, every night for the last three nights, I've dreamt that Gracie decides to come early and we have the New Year's Baby for Airdrie.

Then, I go to my doctor's appointment this afternoon and after the usual poking and prodding, she says: "That baby's sure packed in there tight. I've never really seen that before. You don't have much room left in there, do you?"

And last night, I was vacuuming the living room when I got home from work at 1:30 a.m. because I just couldn't go to bed with a dirty floor. I'm new at this, but don't they call that nesting?

So, what do you suppose all this means? I think I'd better get Gracie's room done and not make any plans for New Year's Eve, that's what I think it means.

High School Flashback

I know I said I wasn't writing until Saturday, but I just had to share this little tidbit.

This morning as I was getting dressed, I pulled out a t-shirt that fit me a few short weeks ago and discovered that said t-shirt no longer even remotely fits. And as I stared in the mirror at my big tummy sticking out underneath the shirt, I was immediately reminded of Mr. Belanger, my high school computer science teacher.

Mr. Belanger was one of my favorite teachers, not only because he introduced me to the fabulous world of Macintosh computers, but because he had a great sense of humor and his classes were always fun. But Mr. Belanger was a big man. A very big man. He had a GIANT beer gut that hung over his pants, and rather than wear a long shirt that he could tuck into his pants and cover said beer gut, he always wore a shirt that was not quite long enough to cover it up. I'm sure that when he got dressed in the morning he would pull it down far enough to cover himself, but through the course of the day it would ride up and by afternoon a very large portion of his hairy, fat stomach would be sticking out underneath his shirt and hanging over his pants.

And that's what I was reminded of when I looked in the mirror this morning. I looked identical, except for the hairy part. I'm sure poor Mr. Belanger would be happy to know that a very fat pregnant lady was reminded of him when she looked in the mirror this morning. I sure wasn't thrilled to see that I looked just like my fat high school computer teacher. Sorry Mr. Belanger, wherever you are.

So. Very. Busy.

Sorry I haven't had time to post on my beloved blog.

Must put out two newspapers in one week. The first one is going to be 40 pages.

Up to my eyeballs in work that private clients need done before Christmas and before baby is born.

Not done Christmas shopping. Have not even put up the Christmas tree - have tried three times and have been interrupted with something every time.

I'll talk to you on December 23. Life should be back to normal by then. I hope.

Waiting for Gracie

Okay, I'm starting to be an uncomfortable pregnant woman now. I am no longer in awe of the wondrous task my body has undertaken in creating the miracle of life, blah, blah, blah…

I just want my body back to myself. I want to make it through the day without having to pee every hour on the hour. I want to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I want to be able to walk up the two flights of stairs in my townhouse without getting winded. And I want to be able to bend over and pick something up without making old lady noises.

But mostly, I want to SEE this baby. I'm just dying to see what this little girl looks like. I want to kiss her little head, and count her teeny fingers and toes, and cuddle her and sing to her and just have her HERE.

Only six more weeks to go, only six more weeks to go…

Christmas spirit alive and well

If ever I needed proof that I am indeed, a small-town farm girl at heart, it came yesterday, while Christmas shopping.

I am not cut out to be in that small of a space with that many people packed into it. I swear to God, all 1 million people who live in the city of Calgary were at the mall I chose to shop at yesterday. I lasted a whole hour and then I went home.

I grew up on a farm near a town of 1500 people. My nearest neighbour was at least two miles away. There were 30 kids in my entire class until high school, when the rest of the kids from the even smaller schools around the county had to come to our school. That put the grand total up to 60 kids in my graduating class.

I am not happy with crowds. I am not happy in traffic. I would never, EVER be able to live in the city. Okay, technically, Airdrie is a city, but there are only 30,000 people living here. And to be honest with you, this is about as big a city as I can take. To me, cities are fun places to drive to for a day every once in awhile to do some shopping and maybe go to a movie or a play, and then get the hell out of and go home.

Anyway, back to my original point, there were A LOT of people at the mall yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking going shopping in Calgary on a Saturday, but I've learned my lesson.

Oh, but there was one very bright spot in my day.

I stopped at Wal-Mart here in Airdrie to get some wrapping paper and bows and tape and all that good stuff, and stupidly didn't get a cart. I thought that since I was only picking up a few things I could carry them and get through the crowd easier than if I had a cart. But of course, I found a few other things I needed while I was there, and pretty soon I was having trouble holding all the stuff I had stacked up in my arms and I dropped my rolls of tape. I was trying to figure out how my big fat pregnant self was going to bend down and pick up the tape without losing everything else when I heard this little voice say "I'll help you!" I looked up and a maybe 4-year-old boy was running down the aisle towards me. He picked it up for me with a big smile on his face and said "Here you go!" I tell you, I nearly cried. It was just the sweetest thing ever! I thanked him lots and told him what a nice thing it was for him to do, and he just looked pleased as punch that he'd done such a good thing for someone.

I sure hope I can raise a child who is as sweet and polite as that little guy.

Anyway, gotta go. Today is the day -- I'm going to haul the Christmas tree out of my basement and make my house look all festive. Merry Christmas!!!

Does your boss know what you do?

So, my boss has started calling people in for interviews to replace me while I'm on maternity leave. I overheard some of his phone conversations yesterday, and let me tell you, it is a very interesting experience to hear your boss describe your job to somebody else.

First, he grossly underestimated how many hours this person will be required to work. Then he kept using the phrase "it's pretty easy" over and over. I wanted to tell him that if he thinks it's so easy, maybe HE should have been there at 2 a.m. the night before, painstakingly photo-shopping words off of washers and dryers and fridges out of a flyer for the local Sears dealer's ad.

So when he got off the phone, I told him that he really needed to tell people that I work more than 35 hours a week. "You do?" was his response. "Um, yes. A lot more, actually." He was kind of stunned. Apparently he had no idea that I come back to work every Monday night after supper and stay until at least 10 p.m. And he had no idea that hubby and I don't even take a supper break on Tuesdays -- we just order in and keep working until at least midnight. On a busy week, much more.

So after I tell him all this, his answer to the problem is that he will just call me on the weeks that it's really busy and I can come in and help, so he doesn't have to pay the new person for all the extra hours.

I'm in very, very big trouble.

(Did I mention that hubby and I own shares in this particular newspaper? Just in case you're wondering why on earth we would show such loyalty to our employers).

Oh the weather outside is frightful…

So it's about 6 bazillion degrees below zero outside today, and the snow just keeps on coming. I am sitting at work, trying to concentrate, but all I want to do is go home and decorate my house for Christmas. I want to make some gingerbread cookies and some hot chocolate, put on some Christmas music, and make my house look all festive and bright.

I know, I know. It's not even December yet. But it's snowing and beautiful outside! Airdrie had it's Santa Claus parade on Saturday, and the Festival of Lights has already started in the big park in the middle of the city. Come on -- can't I just put up my Christmas tree? How about a wreath on my front door?

Okay, okay. I guess I can wait one more week. But in the meantime, do what I did and have fun making yourself into a South Park character!

Go to: www.sp-studio.de and create away!

Attack of the Hormones

I had a really super hormonal breakdown/allergy attack yesterday.

It was a super duper crappy day from start to finish, so when, at 10:30 p.m. I was putting away the groceries I had just bought and the shelf on my refrigerator door fell onto my foot and everything scattered around the floor, I had had enough.

I yelled, I threw things, (which scared the crap out of my poor kitties), then sat down in tears. I don't generally do things like that. It was kind of unsettling. Which made it even worse -- I pride myself on being the kind of person who thrives under pressure. I don't cry when things don't go my way -- ever! What good will that do? No, I just find a way to fix the problem, and get on my with day. But not yesterday. Nope, yesterday I was one of those pansy girls who cry at the drop of a hat -- and I HATE those girls.

Luckily, my sweet hubby came and fixed things up, then made me cuddle up with him on the couch until all was right with the world again.

So, things seem much better today. Gotta go though. In-laws are coming over this afternoon and my house is a disaster area. How fast can I clean an entire house? Well, I guess I'll see. My plan is to start with downstairs, where we will spend most of our time, and if I don't get all of upstairs done I just won't let them up there…

The 36-pager

Fellow newspaper slaves, please give me your sympathy on this cold, Alberta day. I have just finished production on a 28 page newspaper AND an 8-page special section that is about 95% advertising. All. By. Myself.

Yes, that's right. I made the dummy and the template pages TWICE because SOMEONE changed their mind, managed to appease the customer from HELL, designed every ad that you'll find in those 36 pages, compiled the classifieds, made the PDFs of the pages and uploaded them to the press -- and I did it all in three and a half days. Oh, and did I mention that at this particular newspaper, I also have to email or fax all the proofs myself and keep track of the corrections? And answer the phone and watch the front desk when the receptionist is busy on Monday and Tuesday and when we don't have a receptionist on Wednesdays? And answer all the emails in our general inquiry account? And on and on and on…

I worked until midnight on Sunday & Monday, and until 2 a.m. on Tuesday, but by God I got it done!

Looks like pages are done uploading. Better go home and eat something.

Only 67 days until baby gets here and my NEW stressful, round the clock job begins…

I need food ideas!!!!

I need some new recipes. I am sick and tired of making the same things for supper all the time. But it's hard to make new things at my house. EATING is hard at my house. You see, I am allergic to all things dairy; and hubby is allergic to fruits and vegetables. Okay, he's not technically allergic to fruits and vegetables. But he refuses to eat any but a select few, so he might as well be.

Why don't I just MAKE him eat them, you ask? I figure he's an adult, and if he really finds fruits and vegetables THAT repulsive, then it's not worth my time and energy to make him. I figure I wouldn't appreciate it if someone was always bugging me to eat something I hated. (My children, on the other hand, will be a completely different story.)

But since we have very different tastes in what is good and what is not, sometimes it's hard to find things that we both like. If it was up to me, we would eat a small portion of lean meat and a heaping plateful of vegetables for supper every night. If it was up to hubby, we would eat a steak large enough to take up the entire plate every night - no need to make anything to go with it. Steak and steak alone is hubby's idea of supper perfection.

But since you can't eat steak for supper EVERY night, (actually, hubby's father raises cattle and we get a freezer full for free every year. So technically, we COULD eat steak every night if we wanted. But I digress…) I need to come up with some mutually agreed upon things to bring us a little variety. Usually hubby is very receptive to anything that has a lot of melted cheese on top of it, and so I used to make it despite my allergy and just take some antihistamines. But since I'm pregnant I can't have antihistamines anymore, so anything with cheese is out.

And so I think I've been making the same five or six things for supper since the day the two little lines on the stick turned pink. And I'm bloody sick and tired of them.
Anybody got any good ideas? Because I can't eat spaghetti and meat sauce one more time. I just can't.

Here are my limitations. Anything I make for supper cannot contain any of the following ingredients:
- Any milk products whatsoever.
- Almost any kind of fruit or vegetable (with the exception of tomatoes, corn, peppers or mushrooms)
- Any kind of cream or mushroom sauce
- Any kind of fish. Seafood is okay, but fish is not.

See my problem? Between the two of us, it's impossible to come up with a variety of foods to eat. He will not eat soups, stews, casseroles or anything that might have vegetables lurking in them. I can't eat cream sauce, and he won't eat mushroom sauce. Tuna casserole? Nope. The yummy salmon rolls my mom makes? Nope. Tacos? Only good with cheese and sour cream, so nope. Pizza? Nope. Fish & Chips? Nope.

AAARRRGGG!!!!!!

(Before you get worried that I'm depriving little Gracie of fruits and vegetables, I fill up on them all day. Breakfast is always a fresh fruit vitamin smoothie, lunch is always accompanied by some sort of fruit and a vegetable, and my afternoon snack is usually an apple and some low-fat goat's milk cheese. Hubby and I eat separate things for breakfast and lunch, but I don't have enough time or energy in my schedule to make two separate suppers too).

Keener!!!

Oh my god. I've turned into a Keener. You know, the brown-noser everyone in the class hated because she always had her hand up and answered all of the teacher's questions? That was me, yesterday, at our Childbirth Essentials class. I was completely obnoxious. I even made a joke about the Scientology silent births when the instructor was talking about not being afraid to make as much noise as you want.

I sure have changed since going to high school. Back then I knew a lot of the answers, but I would have NEVER put up my hand -- that would have involved actually speaking in front of the whole class. And what if I was wrong and everybody laughed at me? Nope, better just to keep my mouth shut.

But this weekend, I just couldn't help myself. She asked the questions, and I just opened my mouth and answered. Out loud!

And apparently all my reading has paid off. I knew pretty much everything she had to tell us, except for all the relaxation techniques. So really, I wasted a Friday night and all day Saturday, not to mention $110. I think it was worth it for hubby though. While I've been busy reading up on childbirth to prepare myself for the very slim chance that hubby might freak out and I'll be doing it all by myself, hubby has remained blissfully unaware of episiotomies and emergency c-sections. I think it was a bit of an eye-opener for him. But I also think it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, and so I am confident that I will have him there with me the whole time. Yay!

Super Expansion

Okay, my stomach is doing some serious stretching today.

Remember that Friends episode where Joey ate an entire 20 lb turkey all by himself? That's how my stomach feels today.

Maybe Gracie's got her little hands and feet all stretched out and is pushing outwards as hard as she can to see if she can get herself a little more space in there. I can just picture her - her little face all scrunched up in concentration, pushing outwards in any direction she can. Could be true - who knows?

All I know is that I can actually feel my stomach expanding, and it's a very weird feeling.